In 2007, I spent 7 months working for a toxic employer.
By the time I left my job, I was close to the highest I’ve ever weighed, at my most negative and always whining, feeling sorry for myself, and feeling pretty hopeless about everything, especially about writing, which I’d been sucking at for nearly a year at that point.
I quit that job, even though I was always taught leaving a job in less than a year was a crime I’d be judged heavily for. I realized one day in August that, if I didn’t leave, it’d be the end of any Steff I ever knew; I was approaching the negativity point of no return. Continue reading
Author Archives: Steffani Cameron
Bittersweet Winter Mornings & Their Longings
A little after waking, a furiously beautiful sunrise lit my little part of the world up. Red, red, red, as far as the eye could see. Fire on the horizon, exploding across the cottony clouds that spread west over the Pacific.
Some shivers, some cold toes, but it was worth heading out to stand on my balcony and marvel over nature, if even too briefly.
I’m reaching my winter tether’s end. My sanity is tattered, my resolve weakening.
I want Spring. Continue reading
Cashing My Reality Check
Whew. Here we are. January 4, 2010.
I’d given myself a good excuse not to write this morning: “I don’t feel like it”; but now I feel like I need to put some stuff down. Not for you, not because I said I’d try to write 10 pieces on Getting Shit Done in 2010, but because I just need to say a few things to myself, for myself. You’re just the fly on the wall.
I’m genuinely daunted by all I know stands before me this year. I’m scared as fuck about what it is I hope I will have accomplished when I’m standing on this date come next year. Continue reading
A Break From the Frou-Frou Love-Thyself Shit
Let’s all embrace pettiness for a little bit before we continue the mad march to being better people. I know we’re all pissed we return to work tomorrow. Embrace it! Enjoy this little weird Twitter clash from last week.
So, the night before New Year’s Eve, I was up, unable to sleep, hanging on Twitter. Chatter had broke out about Rush Limbaugh. I aired my stance, that I just didn’t give a fuck if Rush Limbaugh died. This isn’t the same as “DIE, FUCKER, DIE!” It’s more, “You know what? He’s an asshole. He tries to divide the world. From that standpoint, his absence wouldn’t be a bad thing. In real life, maybe he’s a good guy. So, ahh, whatever.”
But this NUTBAG right-wing chick jumps on me, starts saying all this weird shit. (I identify her as insane first, right-wing second.)
I know a lot of people like screen shots of Twitter fights, but I don’t want to be dealing with fallout from this shit ad nauseum, so I refuse to tell you her Twitter handle or show you her avatar. Fuck her if she wants to be 12 and prolong this. I’m done with this 12-year-old shit, but I’m sharing. Continue reading
10 for 2010: Mindset for the Munch-Challenge
Weightloss is one of those things. Some fail at it — or almost succeed then fail — repeatedly until they finally Get It. The disease of morbid obesity, or even the dreaded beer-belly syndrome, is almost always as a result of one or both of two things: ignorance or lack of accounting.
Me, I was both ignorant of just how bad my diet was, and dishonest about to what extent I was misbehaving. That was then. Now I’m only ever guilty of the lack of accounting. Ignorance isn’t such a problem anymore.
But that’s the thing with weightloss. Everyone talks like it’s only about the diet or the exercise, but, for me, the head game’s been at least 50%, maybe more, of my success.
I doubt I’m alone on that. Continue reading
10 for 2010: Programming My Life for Health Success
Prologue
Today, it’s the start of a whole new thang. It’s 2010.
This is a loosey-goosey promise ‘cos we all know weeks can go off-the-hook in a hurry, but I’m gonna try my damnedest to have 10 days of 2010 — postings big or small about either reflecting on the Year That Was or projecting on The Year to Be. They’re not written yet, hence the iffyness of my promise, but it’s exciting to think what crazy direction such an unplanned writing promise could lead me in. I prefer writing such things in the thick of the moment; it’s more honest and raw when I do. Here’s hoping. 🙂
The Meat
Here in Vancouver, Canada, it’s Olympics time. The big winter show rolls in this February. Everyone’s gonna get higher, faster, higher, stronger. Citius, altius, fortius, baby.
2009, my goal was to continue my weightloss and take another 50 pounds off, like I had in ’08. Unfortunately… Continue reading
My Memories of Christmas
I’m enjoying the feeling of Christmas more than I have since I was a kid. I’ve gained a lot of distance between the loss of my mom and how much I tied her to the season. I still do, but in a different way.
Now I find myself reflecting on holidays over the years, and thought you might enjoy hearing some of the tales. In no particular order…
Continue reading
Thoughts On Brittany Murphy, Death, & Anorexia
Rumour has it that Brittany Murphy is dead at 32 from cardiac arrest.
Heart attack, in case you didn’t know, is one of the most common demises after long battles with eating disorders. Why?
“When anorexia has become this severe, the heart is often damaged. Not only is there not enough body fat to keep internal organs like the heart protected, but anemia, which weakens the blood, and the poor circulation which results in a lower body temperature means that the heart is unable to pump and circulate blood as effectively as it might otherwise. The loss of muscle mass can also apply to the heart, meaning that the muscles of the heart can physically weaken, and an overall drop in blood pressure and pulse can contribute to slower breathing rates. Unfortunately, if not remedied, these risks can lead to death.”
Things to Remember This Christmas
Since 1998, I’ve had every kind of Christmas imaginable. Lonely, magnificent, rich, broke, injured, healthy, in love, out of love. Had ’em all.
I was raised to believe in the magic of Christmas. We’d have a houseful of people singing carols, Dad would make his famous cardiac eggnog, the house was full of decorations and laughter, and us kids would even have visits from Santa, who brought every child there a gift. It really was magical.
When my mother died in 1999, I was pretty sure Christmas would never feel that Magical again. And, yeah, I was right — it hasn’t. But my life isn’t over, and “dreams” don’t always have to be big, flashy, and involve a credit card. Sometimes they can just be about getting back to the heart of what made your life wonderful and good once. Continue reading
Canadian Blog Awards: Round Deux!
Oh, lookie!
I’ve made it to Round Two of the Canadian Blog Awards with my nomination for Best Personal Blog in Canada.
COOL. Want to help me win? Vote again! 🙂 You can do that HERE.
If you don’t do it for my writing, do it because I have an infected vampire bite on my neck (okay, maybe it was a spider, or maybe it’s just a mystery wound) and I’m on antibiotics and I’m riddled with the flu and and and…
Okay, no, do it because you like my writing. That’s a very, very lovely reason.
Thank you for your support. 🙂