Category Archives: Uncategorized

nature is a cold bitch




ever noticed how, in cold weather,
women get sexier with their erect nipples
while men get shrinkage?
guess we know why, in primitive societies,
women always went topless
while the boys wore their little loincloths?

Ah, damn you and the whores you rode in on!

No, it’s not just you, blogger hates me, too. Yes, the site’s been down tonight. Hopefully the last of the outages for awhile. They come in flurries, you know. Too tired and a little too tipsy to post Goose’n’Gander’s playtime tonight. Damn Gayboy and that actual palateable cheap red wine!

A bath beckons. If you know any good new jokes, share them. Comment away. I’d love a stupid chuckle. 🙂 Thanks. Had good sex lately? Do tell.

Humour us. Indeed, humour the masses in search of filth and dimestore sexual philosophizing who’ve logged in only to find the sloth of a smutress who keeps this rag alive is more intent on bathing with mineral oil than updating this whorey site. In short, appease them. I must bathe. 😉

My Day


These are the kinds of guys I find hot. The ones who know how to relax, who seem to have enough grasp on what’s important that they find their way here on a rare sunny winter’s day in Vancouver. I mean, if you can’t find your way to seize moments like these when they’re so far and few between, what kind of life are you leading, right?

Oh, so, of course, I made my way there, so it says something about some of my values. I sprained my ankle, though, and had to cycle another 4km to the bus station, which wasn’t very much fun, but geez, this day was worth a little pain. The good things always are, n’est ce pas? And the first hour and a half rocked my world, so, hey, there’s that.

And I’d like to talk about photography for a second. This one is one of my photos I took today. I enjoy photography and have been known to snap a pretty pic or two, days like this, I love it, but I need to take a moment to say that every single photo you’ve seen on here (the Cunt), besides this one, belong to other people. They’ve been found on the web. I don’t make money off this site, so, it’s kinda fine.

But I just can’t help it, they’re all such hot and great images. I love ’em to bits. Makes for a nice look, yeah? Anyhow, I have a good eye, but they just ain’t mine. I’ve mentioned it before, but not for a while.

Rape Fantasies & Masturbation

Please, read the questions listed in the posting below this, regarding male masturbation (questions are applicable to both sexes) and answer, if you can. As a result of those questions, I’ve just received what I think is an important email from a very articulate young man, on masturbation. He writes:

This is going to sound really disturbing to women but I think a lot of men fantasize about rape. I think that rapists are the lowest form of life. Rape is the single most disturbing and horrible thing you can do to a person. Someone that is raped is scarred forever. My best friend was raped and I would kill the man responsible if I could. That is why it bothers me so much that I have fantasized about it. I don’t want you to think that I’m a potential rapist because I have fantasized about it but I think most men probably do. If they can admit it to themselves. The fantasy part of it isn’t about hurting her or scarring her. I think its just about taking something that youre not supposed to have. I guess something thats extremely taboo is sexy to us. Thats why there are movies about rape, incest, pregnant women, etc. I think thats why guys are so interested in anal. We want what we cant have.

Whew. Rape Fantasies. Yeah. Well, I’ve had ’em. But I’m also a strong girl who can take care of herself, and I pity the bastard that tries it.
That said, this is an topic that needs more discussion. It says a lot about human nature, doesn’t it? Here’s the response I sent the guy, word for word, so I can jam and go back to bouncing around to those ponces, Oasis:
I was just playing with some photography and you emailed me as I finished up, so curious, I read it. I’m deliberately not responding to people, but you’re young and clearly disturbed by the rape thing.
IT’S VERY COMMON WITH MEN AND WOMEN!
The thing is, I think it’s a pretty sterilized fantasy — like, nothing too explicit, you know? With guys, I think it’s a subliminal desire to feel like they could have permission to demand and take what they want — but not necessarily through violence. Just a primal thing, like the caveman dragging his woman by the hair. Whereas with women, it’s more a notion of wishing someone would feel that height of desire that they need to take us then and there — but we’d want to kill any man who’d try it.
It’s a really difficult fantasy for most people to come to terms with because the real act is usually outside our ethics, but we are, at heart, animals, and every now and then I think the notion of being true to that, without all these complications of civility and social correctness would be appealing to us all — the sexual equivalent of a cabin in the woods: basic, bare, free of bullshit.
But the reality of rape is something horrific for a lot of people, in both sexes, to come to terms with. So, instead, we never talk about the fact that most of us have thought about it in that faceless-stranger-in-the-night-this’ll-never-happen kind of way.
Thanks for bringing up an important topic. I was ironically thinking of this this morning, so your timing was stellar.

Male Masturbation

On second thought, if I can’t post for a couple days, let’s get the ball rolling on the topic of male masturbation. Obviously, being female, I can’t really input a lot on this topic, so I need reader help. I’ll have a fabulous guest writer for this main posting, so let’s see if we can give him a little direction in regards to what he ought to share. I also plan to do a posting in which I’ll take snippets of my male readers’ comments and paste them in one nice compendium of male input.
So, some questions for you.
For the Females: What is it you want to know about male masturbation? Does any of it weird you out? Why? What’s your reaction to it? Do you find it hot, or not? Why or why not? Have you had any negative experiences with it? What’s your reaction to finding a lover doing it when he thought you were asleep / not around? What’d you do about it? Do you regret your actions, or are you satisfied with your actions?
For the Males: What’s your process for masturbating? What or who do you think about? If you think about your lover or an ex-lover, are you thinking about specific things she’d do to you, or things you wish she’d do? Are you ashamed if you’re caught by a lover? Do you masturbate when a lover’s asleep next to you? Are you wishing she’d wake up and help, or would that feel like an invasion of your privacy? If you’re involved in a relationship right now, do you find it bothers her, or does she support it? At what age did you start? How long did it take to get the hang of it? How often do you do it? How long does it take to come? What do you wish more women would know about it? Where’s your favourite place to do it?

Quickie Post.

There won’t be a new posting until Friday night, probably, and who knows about that. I have a busy few days coming up. I’ve written a couple things, and I’m not sure how to tweak either of them. One’s on cybersex addiction, a depressing topic, but the one I want to write is another perspective on why women might be hesitant to touch themselves in any meaningful way. Unfortunately, I have to spend time trying to find a few particular writing examples to take in to a certain notorious magazine seeking a copyeditor. Not sure I have the skills for their level of publication, but shit, I can give it a go. I really need to invest some time in finally amassing an actual portfolio. I’m far too laissez-faire about all this.

ANYHOW. An update on Canadian politics. We have a new Prime Minister — a religious in-search-of-morality-for-the-masses Conservative Prime Minister.

They have a minority government, though, and unlike the US, we have four major parties. The Liberals can band with the NDP for any vote and easily vote down the Tory (Cons.) agenda, so I doubt there’ll be five years of Conservatives at the helm — we may have another election in a year. Let’s hope. Their minority gov’t is even smaller than the Liberals’ gov’t that suffered a vote of non-confidence, so, I’m optimistic on that count, but I know Harper (the new PM) is the kind of man who’d rather impact things HIS way and only serve one term, than toe the line, not put his own policies in place, and serve three. (We have no limit on how often a Prime Minister can serve the country. Trudeau was our PM for much of 16 years. I like this aspect of our politics — consistency can be a virtue.)

For those who know little of Canadian politics, we don’t elect a leader — we elect a party. We vote only for our local Member of Parliament, and based on the number of MPs voted from any one party, the leader of the party with the most votes becomes PM. I wish we could have a separate vote for leader, but oh, well.

Interesting point? The Conservatives never won a single seat in any of Canada’s largest cities — Vancouver, Toronto, or Montreal. Figures, you gotta be a hick to buy that shit. (No offense to the country folk.) But enjoy your sex clubs in Montreal while you can — if anyone tries to take that away, it’ll be Harper.

Why 40% of Women Don't Masturbate

Every now and then male-female relations seem like a bad day at the UN. Understanding the issues is imperative, but no one speaks the same language.
John Gray got rich off the chaos that exists in that weird little world of relationships, by telling us that men were from Mars, and women from Venus. It’s true. We have so many differences it’s a wonder we ever crawl under the covers together. But we do, and still, we speak entirely different languages. It’s a pity we don’t have those interpreter-on-the-fly headphones in our ears like they do at the UN – it’d make hooking up a hell of a lot smoother, don’t you think?
I sometimes wonder who my audience is comprised more of: men or women. The chicks who read me tend to like my feminist attitude that doesn’t get clouded with antagonism towards men, and that’s awesome.
But the men who seem to read me tell me they’re here for, I don’t know, a different take on sex, but most importantly, the fly-on-the-wall perspective of the modern female’s mindset.
So, it’s no surprise I’m getting asked a lot of questions by those guys right now about why women are resistant to masturbating, why some (a staggering 40%) just flat-out won’t masturbate. I’m saddened I’ve heard nothing from the women who don’t, but perhaps the notion of lacking the sexuality and curiousity it takes to be a masturbator is incongruous with reading sites like these. Let’s hope not.
That said, I’m going to tackle that question here and now, but from a point-of-view directed to the men in my audience. There are some commonly accepted reasons for why so many women are hesitant to touch themselves, but I’ve got a few perspectives on my own. I think this topic’s far more complicated than most people allude to. I think it’s a societal problem that encompasses everything from religion to upbringing to media.
Let’s start off with the commonly accepted perceptions of why these women resist the urge, and my take on them.

  1. Dirty Girl Syndrome: These are the chicks who think that if they touch themselves, it means they’re dirty or slutty. This is one of those things I think we can lay the blame for squarely on the media, and on our parents. In the media, even now, it’s only the promiscuous women that are portrayed as masturbators, whereas every guy is commonly accepted to jack off, like it’s a male right of passage. Kim Catrall’s character on Sex & The City is an obvious example. “Of course she masturbates. She’s a whore.” God forbid we ever hear about Oprah owning an assortment of vibes. It’s almost as if we’re still left with the impression that sexually desireable, successful, independent women don’t need to “Jane off,” as one of my readers has dubbed it. And oh, do I beg to differ.
  2. Addicted to Self-Love Syndrome: There are those who can’t help but think that if they get into the mode of masturbating, they’ll become addicted to it and won’t be able to stop. Unfortunately, these testimonials we get of women who masturbate twice a day, for half-hour stretches, etc, aren’t doing a lot to change the Resistors’ mindsets. These are likely the women who do have strong sex drives, who are scared at the intensity of their desires, and who fail to realize that not masturbating is making it worse. They don’t realize we’re sexual volcanoes, and without a release, we tend to blow – or just shut down entirely, which is more often the case. They don’t learn how to regulate that pressure, how to cope with it, and that the more familiarity they acquire, the better they will be able to handle the pressure mounting in times of arousal. Instead, they feel the intensity, get scared, and everything shuts down. They don’t experience orgasms, and don’t know how to get there, and are scared of reaching one.
  3. All Or Nothing Syndrome: “If I masturbate, I won’t be able to come any other way.” These are the people who fail to understand balance. I’m amazed at the number people who ask “Is it possible to get too good at masturbating?” I don’t know the answer, and maybe it is possible, but we have to take into consideration that your touch isn’t ever going to be the same as someone else touching you. This is why it’s not only nice, but smart, to masturbate for your partner. They can learn how you make yourself come. You can take it a notch further and make them have their hand over yours as you do your own “dirty work.” The thing you never, ever have in masturbating is the element of surprise, and that’s the element a lover brings to the table. This mode of resisting is essentially a lack of faith in their lovers. Nothing more. These might be the people who obsess about things and get really intense about anything they commit to, and they might just not know how to achieve balance. Instead, they avoid trying masturbating so they don’t need to find out if, in fact, they can balance masturbation with partner sex.
  4. Obligation to Partner: These are the ones who think they have to save their excitement for their partner. They know they have issues with orgasms, and they think that if they pursue one alone, they’ll never get to come with their lover. They’re also the people who don’t understand that orgasms take skill, take developing. The more you learn about sex, about yourself, the more pleasure you’ll find. They don’t realize that the human body doesn’t have a quota for pleasure. This is as much borne from ignorance as it is fear and bewilderment.
  5. It’s a Substitute for Sex: These are the women who don’t realize that masturbation influences a lot of who we are as lovers, what we’re willing to try, what our confidence level is with ourselves, our bodies, and our performances.

And that is that, some will tell you. That’s all that’s preventing women from touching themselves. But they’re just whack if that’s what they believe. Like I’ve said before, there’s so much more to it, whether we want to accept the blame as a society or not.
Let’s take one example. I’m sure every man who reads this has, at some point or another, had someone say to him, “Suck it up. Be a man.” How did that make you feel? Unable to express concerns or fears? Ashamed to be weak? Forced into the stereotype of being Manly Man when, for once, you just wanted to be human and feel whatever was hitting you?
It’s no secret, vulnerability isn’t exactly encouraged in men. And let’s face it, no matter what you want to say about the media today or the modern woman, sexuality is NOT encouraged in women. We should be pretty, alluring, gorgeous, but God forbid we be overtly sexual.
Chris Rock said it best, as a father, your ONLY responsibility is to keep your daughter off the pole.
Men may want a woman who likes to fuck, who will do the things that are borderline dirty, sexually experimental, but ultimately, we’ve all been raised by fathers who shared Chris Rock’s POV: We have to stay off the pole.
So, we’re raised with hearing tidbits like, “That’s not ladylike.” Personally, I’m not Fluffy-Miss-Feminine. I’m in touch with my femininity, but as a kid, I hated Barbies. I disliked dresses, and I heard, all my life, “That’s not ladylike.” When it came to sex, I believed there were certain ways I had to behave. Masturbation was my secret shame until I was in my early 20s, when I learned my boyfriend loved the fact that I did it, when I heard him tell me how much he admired my confidence and my ability to admit it. He told me it made me a strong woman. I began changing my perspective then.
For women, we have to battle so much bullshit we’ve been fed about what a woman is. Until the media begins embracing the idea that masturbation for women isn’t something exotic that only promiscuous chicks do, that stereotype is going to prevail. The fear and shame and apprehension will remain.
And you can’t tell me that men, when they were boys first discovering their sexuality, didn’t also feel like they had a secret, like it was a sin. We’ve all heard the stories of boys playing under the blankets, hoping not to be caught. It’s the same deal with women, but we’re on a different timeline. Men peak at 18, we peak at 32. Of course it’ll take longer to reach the point of comfort with masturbation. Many women don’t get there until their 20s. Hesitant women need to feel like their lovers aren’t trying to get them to perform like a porn star when they’re asked to masturbate. They need to know they’re not being perceived as someone dirty because they’re touching themselves. Unfortunately, that support isn’t as common as we’d like to think. And also unfortunately, a lot of guys are pretty lousy at requesting things from their lovers without making it sound too dirty or risquĂ©. And that, again, becomes a communication issue.
Like I said, this is a huge, huge topic with vast implications, and it’s not a problem that will go away overnight. The media is responsible. Parents are responsible. Lovers are responsible. And the women, in their ignorance and fear, are responsible. So how does it get fixed?
I haven’t a clue. With time, I guess, and with the media, and parents, and lovers, and women all getting on the same page.
Just a second here, I need to glance out the window and check if pigs are flying yet. Hmm, not yet. So, yes, the problem persists. I’ll give some thought on how a woman might be persuaded to learn the fine art of self-love, but I honestly don’t know where to begin just now. It’d be interesting to hear feedback on whether anyone’s had success on that front. Care to share?

ELECTION DAY: GET OUT THE VOTE.

(If you’ve been following my blog rabidly, you could swear this post keeps moving. Yes. It does, and Tuesday, it will disappear. Because of the IMPORTANCE of this election, I’ve been keeping it within one post of the top, and since election day is Monday/Today, I think it’s imperative people get off their apathetic asses and vote. It’s your COUNTRY. SPEAK. BE HEARD.)

Anyone who reads this knows I am a passionate Canadian, and this is addressed to my fellow country(wo)men.

Canada has a proud legacy of personal freedoms and social compassion. Don’t fuck that up by voting for the Conservative Party TODAY (Monday).

Gay marriage deserves to stay just as it it. My dear friend GayBoy has it right. Harper’s wish to change it to a “civil union,” to appease the religious types, means gays will NOT be equal. Changing the name isn’t just a technicality, it’s a statement. “You’re (not really) equal. (We’re placating you, you silly faggots and dykes.)”

Harper wanted us to go to Iraq. He has gone on record in front of American Republicans telling them their accomplishments are “admirable.” Take a look at the so-called “moral compass” of the United States right now, and decide if that’s who you want your nation’s leader to be emulating. I sure as fuck don’t.

I am Canadian to my fucking core. I live and die with the Maple Leaf. My life will cease within the borders of this hallowed land of mine, though I want to see the world around me, because this is my land. I’m proud of our human rights stance, I’m proud of the things my country stands for. I will not, cannot vote with my wallet. I abhor the idea of people voting the Conservative agenda in because they want a tax cut.

Tell me, those tax savings of yours — are they worth the price you’ll pay when it comes to saying you no longer live in one of the most free nations in the world? Certainly we have greater freedom than our American friends.

Harper wants you to vote the Liberals out because of the “corruption” scandal. Oh, and that always works. When will we fucking learn? Are we children? “We’re mad at them. FUCK them. We want the other guy!” The other guy comes in, and fucks us over worse. The Conservatives wrote the book on corruption scandals. “Airbus,” anyone? How about a side of Pot/Kettle/Black?

Yeah, the Liberals proved to be corrupt, but that’s because Chretien was an arrogant prick. I think Martin’s learned his lesson, was exonerated, and now they, as a party, have something to prove. Let them prove it.

Or vote NDP. Or vote Green. But Liberal is more likely to defeat a possibility of a Harper minority government. I don’t want the Conservatives ruling my life, I don’t want to lose freedoms to a guy on a crusade to be the moral arbitrator of this nation.

Whatever the fuck you do, EXERCISE DEMOCRACY. Get off your ass, park your apathy, and have a fucking voice. Democracy isn’t something that just happens. You don’t get to piss and moan unless you get involved. Earn your voice. Flex it. Check the goddamned paper box, and be a citizen. I’m sick and goddamned tired of people thinking voting is an inconvenience. It’s a privilege. Embrace it. Christ. Is it really so fucking hard? (/end rant)

Little Lovin' For the Feminine Self: Questions?

I need to write something about sex, and I’m told from time to time that guys like the insight into a chick’s mind that I try to provide. So, I’m not feeling like thinking of topics, so being spoon-fed one is just fine. As a result, I was asked about women masturbating. Apparently it’s all a little mysterious to the men. You poor, clueless boys. Let’s shed a little light on this topic — and it’s a big one. Maybe two parts, possibly three? So, my questions are:
For Women: How often do you go to it? If you don’t, why not? If you do, what’s your pleasure — your hands, battery-operated toys, manual toys, or have you gotten creative? Do you always orgasm when you do it, and if you don’t, why do you stop? Are you unable to reach that point? If/when you do orgasm, how long does it take? What triggers the need to reach out and touch yourself? Obviously, if you do it, you masturbate at home, but where else have you done it? Publically? (I have a tale I could tell. Hmm. Will I, though?)
For Men: What do you really want to know? Has a woman ever masturbated for you? Do you notice a difference between women who do, and women who don’t, as lovers? (That’s a no-brainer, but let’s hear it from you. What kinds of differences do you notice? Do they do more for you, in what way? Are they more open? Do they orgasm easier? Are they more experimental? I’d have to guess yes to the last four questions, but expound, please.)
Me, lemme say this: Every woman should masturbate. If you don’t, you’re selling yourself short as a lover. If you don’t, your repressing your femininity. If you think you’re a modern, strong, independent woman, and you’re afraid to touch yourself, or you’re squeamish about it, then I bet you could be doing better in all three of those departments. Let’s get over the shame and the apprehension about our bodies, and just GO there. Orgasms feel good. Stop fucking waiting for a man to make you feel the way you should.
Yeah, I’m a feminist, and I masturbate. Often. Atwood said a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle, and most days, she’s right. We’ve got Duracell and Haagen-Daaz.*
*Needs, though, ain’t got a lot to do with it. I don’t need men, I just like them. 😉

If commenting freaks you out, email me. I likely won’t respond in the immediate future, but I’ll get around to it eventually, but I’ll use it as inspiration for the posts, which I hope to start off early Thursday, but use the input for, say, Friday, but the sooner, the better.